Nobody’s life is easy and if someone says so, lets all go to him or her to find out the formula. Truth be told, i have always strive for perfection in all areas of my life, from as far back as i can remember, but i do not want a perfect existence (would you, that’s boring, no challenge 🙂 )as i have learnt from my mistakes (for want of a better word).
I am always throughout my life looked at as strong, the one who is there to listen to give a word of encouragement always having it together. There were many times I was tired of being strong. I would have liked to be on the receiving end of a shoulder an encouraging word, but when I voice that i’m not feeling mentally great and i’m just tired, I was met with ‘what is wrong with you, you got this, you are the poster girl for strength’. So as not to be a burden I will in my quiet space, release my human emotions (alien here), regroup and put back on my wonder woman cape.
Listen, the only person you have control over is yourself. I have had bosses who have told me to ‘stand down’ when i was asked to give my opinion on a work scenario based on my years in the field and another boss asked if i needed to do one of endometriosis surgeries, stating ‘this is not a good time’. Can i tell you the pain was so bad that while working, a wave of pain hit me so bad, i could not see the script, God bless the director who told me what to say till i could move on. I chose the high road and approached each challenge with dignity as i have said in a previous post i always think of not embarrassing my mother, trust me, thoughts of my mother before reacting or responding in a particular way have kept me employed and out of prison. (filter issues)
I recount such events to illustrate that we are all faced with challenges whether personal or professional and we have to control the narrative (that was so good) but seriously, we have to decide how we are going to deal with the challenging and sometimes unfair situations that life presents us with.
Relationships were not a strong part of my early life, I was brought up with the notion that as a woman you never complain but be the support for your partner and he doesn’t need to know everything in regard to what you are feeling or really think about something in particular, so I would suffer in silence with all my thoughts and questions and taking on more than I should, which resulted in me for many years i didn’t feel worthy to speak up for myself.
I gathered love by being supportive and doing all that is needed as a partner but over time that came with disappointments, hurt and a shaken self-esteem not knowing that a relationship needs to be a team effort, give and take.
In 2019 i took on this quote from Steve Harvey ‘You never know your parachute works tiil you jump’. I have jumped a few times and the chute opened and landing in new spaces have been life altering for me and since 2020 with the journey into my ‘new year’ of life (50) My mantra Has been ‘Everything is always working out for me’. Trust me it will work out for you.
When YOU stop struggling, look around, be silent and notice how you begin to float.